Jesse Helms finally dead

Former North Carolina Senator Jesse Helms died this morning, causing blacks, gays, and most other normal human beings to rejoice. For years, he and Strom Thurmond constituted the last bastion of blind racism, white supremacy and intolerance in the U.S. senate.

In his 30+ years in politics, Helms got segregationists elected to public office, made racist campaign ads, called black Americans communists and perverts, denounced AIDS sufferers as sodomizing degenerates, and vowed to make Afrcan-American Senator Carol Moseley-Braun cry by whistling Dixie. In short, the dude was a douchebag.

I don't think of myself as an unsympathetic guy, but I can't bring myself to feel anything but relief now that this sonofabitch is dead. People like him set American politics back years. I understand the conservative opinion as one of traditionalism, but this is just another example of someone who took that idea way too far and hindered the development of our country.

The only real travesty is that his death with be forever associated with Independence Day, when he fought the length of his career to deny independence to so many Americans based on the color of their skin or their sexual preference. He died on the anniversary of the deaths of such great Americans as Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, Charles Kuralt, Hank Stramm and Bob Ross.

Screw it. I'm going to drink beer and light shit on fire, because that's what this day is all about.

Oh, and if you weren't feeling patriotic enough already, Joey Chestnut beat Kobayashi in the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest for the second year in a row.